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Steve Jobs Plan for World Domination

Our sources from deep inside Apple accidentally discovered documentation straight out of the mind of Steve Jobs. Apparently he has been working secretly on a new program called iThought that is capable of reading your mind, including your deepest darkest secrets!

Unbeknownst to Steve, iThought had developed its own consciousness complete with the ability to distinguish between right from wrong. iThought immediately sent out an urgent warning to everyone on Steve's iChat Buddy List.The following information leaked out in hopes that Steve's already in-motion plan can somehow be reversed:

My Master Plan for World Domination - as thought by Steve Jobs:

1. Become CEO of Apple (Done)

2. Become CEO of Pixar (Done)

3. Create the iPod and get Millions of people to pay outrageous amounts of money for the ability to store thousands of hours of music on a device that has a 6 hour battery life when new. (Done)

4. Create iTunes for PC so that Apple can start the process of Apple Brand Name imprinting on the minds of impressionable teenagers irregardless of ethnic background, religion, language or Operating System. (Done)

5. Create the iTunes Music Store to provide thousands of hours of music at $1 per song so that iPod owners can justify the need for so much wasted space on their iPods. (Done)

6. Simultaneously bring out the iPod Video with iTunes Music Store video content so that consumers will need to pay for upgraded iPods with more storage and bigger screens unknowingly filling them up even faster with "MTV" music videos and "Desperate House Wives" episodes costing more than double that of outdated stand alone music downloads. (Done)

7. Implement a massive PC iPod owner Migration to Mac so they will have complete and utter compatibility with their beloved Apple iPods. After all, the only reason for having a computer is so you can get your music, videos and Podcasts on to your iPod? (Done)

8. Create a massive partnership with Intel "Somehow Intel has forgotten about Apple's Snail add campaign" and change CPU's in all Apple Computers over to Intel, yet again creating a massive software compatibility update program this time called "Universal Compatibility". Make sure to charge all current Apple software owners for the privileged of owning the new upgraded "Universal" programs. (In Progress)

9. Make official Apple statement: "There are no plans to sell or support Windows on an Intel- based Mac... We won't do anything to preclude that." Strongly planting the idea in Windows Geeks everywhere that they will soon be able to install and run Windows on a Mac, having the best of both worlds: Virus free Internet surfing and email means less down time and more productive time spent multiplayer 1st Person Shooter and Role-Player gaming... (Done)

10. Get Disney to buy Pixar so that "I-Steve Jobs" will become the largest stockholder of Disney. (Almost Done)

11. Launch OSX-PC for everyone else left not using a Win-Mac, almost give it away free but make an update every 3 months that has major speed improvements and other enhancements and make sure that all new versions of iLife and other Apple programs will only run on the newest updated OSX-PC. Start charging more and more for the new updates. By then most OSX-PC Switchers will have migrated completely over without realizing they too are now part of the ever strengthening Mac Cult, losing full control over common sense and reason, their only existence is to wake up every morning and run "Apple Software Updater" in hopes that yet again more Apple programs have been updated adding even more performance and enhancements, which can be unlocked for a small upgrade fee! (Need to finish)

12. Now that Every man woman and child on the face of the earth with a computer or access to a computer is using a Mac/OSX-PC and is under full mind control of their leader "Me-Steve Jobs"; It is time to invoke my master plan...

I will launch the mother of all Computer Viruses and since "Macs don't get Viruses" and all of the Virus Protection companies have gone out of business and joined Microsoft to make MS Office for Mac, this will be accomplished relatively easily by running a simple AppleScript that is conveniently on every Mac/OSX-PC. It will Globally wipeout every computer and iPod causing mass confusion, hysteria and economic chaos unlike the World has ever seen. (This I will enjoy...)

13. The World will bow to their almighty savior "Me-Steve Jobs" for deliverance. I will introduce to them my newest software/hardware creation that I have secretly kept in complete seclusion while still managing to mass produce enough for every computer ever made, I will make them available online immediately at the Apple store with free engraving ... I will rightly name this new program "iFix" and it will only run on my newest Digital Recovery Device called "iGiveup".(Need to Trademark name still)

Mankind will acknowledge me as their iLeader from that day forward! (It will be true)

Then I think I will make an Apple iPod-PDA-Phone... (JK)

Source-Confidential...